Of Pups and Parental Insticts
After I read 'The Pregnancy Thread' this afternoon, I was off to scout for some gifts. My cash is super tight this year, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to know that on Christmas Day - I just have to be a smarter shopper than usual. So it was off to the mall to get (and give my mother) some gift ideas. On our way back, we stopped at our local pet supply shop and I gave a laundry list of things for my Tosca. The clerk, who was about my mother's age, remarked that "she [Tosca] is almost like a practice child" since I was fussing so much over toys and treats. That got me thinking. I do call Tosca "my baby"... and hold her like one on occasion, but I am not near as good with human children. They make me nervous and I get sick of their crying and look for a quick exit. Not exactly hallmarks of a good mother and yet I am very attentive and tolerant with Tosca. It must be the Shiba Mind Control.
I doubt that I'm subconsciously training myself for motherhood, and to be honest, the insinuation that I would take in a dog as a practice kid is a little insulting, but I thought it would make for a decent discussion. I've heard many people talk about having pets as surrogate children. Plenty of people, myself among them, spoil their dogs with toys and treats and ect... and I suppose on some level having a pet teaches lessons which help with parenting ( like "Remember to feed it!"). So what do you all think of the 'practice kid' theory?
I doubt that I'm subconsciously training myself for motherhood, and to be honest, the insinuation that I would take in a dog as a practice kid is a little insulting, but I thought it would make for a decent discussion. I've heard many people talk about having pets as surrogate children. Plenty of people, myself among them, spoil their dogs with toys and treats and ect... and I suppose on some level having a pet teaches lessons which help with parenting ( like "Remember to feed it!"). So what do you all think of the 'practice kid' theory?
Comments
Although in a way it is kinda similar in the sense that you have a responsiblity: Medical costs, food, accessaries, training (dog's version of schooling), spending enough time with them and so forth. The actual upbringing is quite different. The reward system could be applied to a child as is with a cat or dog, but it's different. One is dealing with a separate species, so we don't "tick" in the same matter. We can manipulate each other to a certain extent but it's not the same.
I know we "joke" during club training sessions about people should having had dogs before they had kids. It doesn't nesscessarily work that way. I know of someone who is GREAT on controlling his dogs. Excellent trainer! This person grew up with dogs and training them, but having had dogs did nothing really to prepare him for the responsiblity of raising children (he is a father of 2).
So, if somebody wants a "practice kid", probably the best thing to do would be to work in a daycare or become a nanny's assistant. For extreme measures taking in a temporary foster child might be an option depending upon circumstances. I guarantee one will learn more about parenthood from this, then from their dog.
Great discussion! With all that said, yeah...my kittys and puppers are still "my kids", lol.
But... there is no such thing as a practice kid! Even having one kid won't prepare you for the next because they're all different. I'm not really a "kid" person, and I feel really uncomfortable around children I don't know well, even though I have two kids of my own.
As far as cost, it's actually sort of funny, but I spend significantly less money on my kids than I do my dogs. It's not really that it costs less to have kids, it's just that no one's helping me out with the dog costs. For instance, health care is universal in Canada... for humans! Plus, I have so many relatives and friends with kids that I have gotten a bonanza of used baby goods. Kids grow out of things so fast that used kids stuff is easy to find and it's usually in good shape. Also, when you have a baby, your friends and family throw you baby showers and give you another crapload of stuff. No one does that when you get a puppy. I mean, when I had Isaac, I was given practically everything from the crib to the carseat/stroller combo to the bags upon bags of clothing and blankets. Then there's food... Isaac just eats what I eat, only a lot less of it, so it doesn't add up to much. Matea is mostly breastfed, so feeding her is practically free. Dogs are carnivores, and in order to feed them well, I feed high quality kibble and raw meat, which is much more expensive than the vegetables and grains that make up the bulk of my (and therefore my kids') diet. I even made cloth diapers out of old t-shirts, so diapering them was pretty much just the cost of a load of laundry. Then there's training... dog training courses are $100-200 for an 8-12 week class. Community centres and libraries offer free programs where you can take your kids and do lots of learning exercises, plus there are lots of free courses for moms. Then, once they get into school, that's mostly paid for by the government (at least, in Canada it is). Even chartered schools are mostly paid for, there are just little things like books and bus fees left.
Of course, you could argue that if I didn't have kids, I would be free to have a job, or if I did have a job, I wouldn't have to pay for child care. I like not having a job, though! At least this way I have an excuse, haha. I just think it's funny how little money I spend on my children compared to my dogs. The thing is, the Canadian government wants people to have kids so bad that they're bending over backwards to make it more affordable, and once you have kids, they want them to be well-adjusted, healthy, and educated, so they offer so many programs to educate parents. Heck, they even send me cheques in the mail every month. It's partially based on income, but even the richest parents in the country will get an absolute minimum of $100/month/child. It's crazy.
we're trying to figure out what exactly 'saving for baby' means to us now, but over the last few years I have poured a ridiculous amount of money on the dogs (not at all the figures Brad has come up with, but it feels close!). And I'm fine with it, I believe 'having a dog' means sacrifice and devotion on my part, and that is what I signed up for taking so many in over the last few years. And I still get school girl giddy when I get updates on my past fosters because I get very attached. My own mom doesn't really understand it and my own grandmother has said "you got ANOTHER dog? Jen, maybe having a baby would be easier!". Nice, grama. I think the vast majority of society doesn't really get it... but for me, I'm practically married to my dogs as well as my hubby!
They are like my children, and I don't mind calling them that, I'm tied down to them, I come home earlier than any [currently] childless 23 year old that I know just to let them out and make sure they've eaten, I wake up early just to walk them and its an after dinner ritual for their second walk. I give them most of my weekend time, too.
I spoil them when I can, we have a toy box full of toys and I pay out the @&;$#* for their health! Just for our resident dogs, between their speuters, Tsuki's x-rays and dental procedures, Hachi's spay and tumor removal, meds for recovery and prevention, Kitsune's stitches, kennel cough and e-issues, I've spent much more on their health then my own this past year!!
Even to feed them - count in their raw foods which are not the easiest to come across or deal with, high shipping so they arrive overnight still frozen, and large bags of grain free kibble shipped to me because our dog food stores don't carry it. Then toys and treats and crates and beds and walking gear....
I can't even fathom the amount that would come to!
So when someone says "how are the kids" knowing full well that they've only seen us walking dogs, I realize that most people from the outside looking in see the time and devotion we give them, and really, its not very common to find someone who gives their dog the same kind of care and attention. We have 2 other people in our neighborhood that are that devoted and I love them to pieces for it!!
I do think some couples believe taking in a dog is less of a commitment than a child, as I have actually heard them say "we're not ready for a child yet" when they bring home the new puppy. I always felt it has to do with the fact some women are not ready for the nine months of carrying a child, or maternity leave, or fathers taking paternity leave, or the diapers and activities and babysitting fees and finding a school, etc. And then there are the teenage years and hormones and dating and allowance and rebellion and attitudes. And then there is the college fund... A dog however, they think potty training takes less than 2 to 3 years, they can be spuetered, they can be crate trained and can stay home while you work if needed, and they assume they will have a better idea of what to expect from the dog than the child as you can typically research and pick the dog you want, etc. Now, I do not agree with all of these thoughts, but I have heard people rationalize this way. (Of course, there is a reason a lot of these same people get a particular type of dog...).
I would agree there are some similarities in taking care of children and animals, many which have already been mentioned above. And perhaps it's the combination of the aforementioned rationalization with the thought that there are similarities in taking care of both which leads people to believe a dog is good "pre-child" prep.
After babysitting and being a nanny for children over several years I have learned a few things. The most important is that I enjoy them because they belong to someone else. And the dogs tend to be altogether different to take care of than children (i have dog-sat as well) - though sometimes they are better behaved and more rational.
All that said, my mother is NOT excited that I want a dog, but not a husband and children...