Sake is Scared!
So yesterday we invited our friends the McSheffrey's over for a BBQ. Mike, Fran and their two kids Meghan (age 4) and Jake (age 18 months).
Sake met Mike before and was scared of him. We thought it was just part of her fear stage she is going through. Well yesterday we had a few visitors prior to the family coming over and although Sake was cautious with them, she eventually warmed up and was playing like normal.
Then Mike and his family showed up, Sake freaked out and ran into the backyard as far away from them as possible and started barking at them. She didn't seem to mind Fran or the kids so much, but she is TERRIFIED of Mike. I picked her up thinking that maybe she was needed some cuddles and when Mike came outside she started to pee on me! Then when I put her down, she ran inside, upstairs, and hid under the bed. She did not come out until 3 hours later when Mike and his family left. She wouldn't even take treats!
Then when Mike and his family left she was back to normal!
I have been getting her out and socializing her more because of her fears, but for some reason when it comes to Mike she is so scared and can't get over it.
Any ideas? Suggestions? Thanks all!
Sake met Mike before and was scared of him. We thought it was just part of her fear stage she is going through. Well yesterday we had a few visitors prior to the family coming over and although Sake was cautious with them, she eventually warmed up and was playing like normal.
Then Mike and his family showed up, Sake freaked out and ran into the backyard as far away from them as possible and started barking at them. She didn't seem to mind Fran or the kids so much, but she is TERRIFIED of Mike. I picked her up thinking that maybe she was needed some cuddles and when Mike came outside she started to pee on me! Then when I put her down, she ran inside, upstairs, and hid under the bed. She did not come out until 3 hours later when Mike and his family left. She wouldn't even take treats!
Then when Mike and his family left she was back to normal!
I have been getting her out and socializing her more because of her fears, but for some reason when it comes to Mike she is so scared and can't get over it.
Any ideas? Suggestions? Thanks all!
Comments
Tetsu was the same way whenever he met some of our younger cousins. He would bark and keep his distance, then run into the bedroom and wait it out. We worked slowly with him, having the kids drop treats for him to pick up. Maybe a one on one with Sake and Mike, during a nice quiet day, could help. Load Mike up with some yummy snacks and slowly work from him having to toss the treats to hand feeding Sake.
EDIT: read this thread when I was tired, so dyslexia kicked in and switched some names around.
What does he look/sound like compared to your husband (who I assume Sake has no fear towards?)
I agree with Beth's approach, or if Mike can and will, perhaps have him make a 'hanzel/gretel' trail to him, back turned, sitting on the ground (less threatening) and end up having Sake eat a treat from his hand, facing him.
This might all be a part of her fear stage, but to address what you can do about her particular fear of this person will be uber beneficial in getting her to not fear those who are similar to him in the future. We still have no idea what makes Hachi fearful of tall, dark haired, bearded men - but each one she meets gets the same skittish-run-and-hide reaction. John has to make sure he's clean shaven before we are going to see Hachi, and she's mostly fine now. I'm sure if they had addressed that earlier on in her life, she would be better at that roadblock now.
So finally, I put on his leash and attached the other end to the leg of the coffee table in the room where we were all gathering. After a few minutes, he finally resigned himself to his "fate", and relaxed on the floor. Eventually, I was able to take off his leash and he stayed with us for the rest of the evening, even allowing himself to be placed next to different people on the sofa, and accept their affection. YMMV.
There is a difference between coddling and comforting. It's a very fine line and you are going to be the only one (by knowing your dogs) who can truly determine it. Some dogs could be traumatized by forcing them over a threshold, others may accept it. Jazz doesn't do well with threshold limits, so we don't force her over them.
Is there anyone else that Sake reacts this way to? I know you guys have a walker, IIRC, does this ever happen with anyone that they meet?
I just had to witness a family having to put their dog down because someone tried to force her to face her fear of motorcycles. They dragged her on leash to the motorcycle she panicked and bit the person. She is now dead.
While picking her up was not the ideal response (I am sure in hindsight you are aware of that), it certainly did not cause irreparable damage. Jen's suggestions are very very good ones.
A lot of dogs are fearful of my husband (he is 6'5, has a big deep voice and facial hair). We have gotten most dogs past that fear through getting Jason to change his body language (turn sideways, yawn, gaze down and to the side away from the dog) and start having him lightly toss high value treats. Most times the dog will end up calming down and eventually approach him.
If that is still too much, try having Sakes crate in the room so she can have a safe space and explore Mike on safer terms.
I would also try introducing Mike when there are fewer stimuli. Lots of people especially children can be overwhelming enough.
You will get past it. If you really want to work on it, I live close enough we can use Jay as a dummy. If Mike doesn't want to be a test subject.
I think determining what it is about Mike that sets Sake off can help you predict and prepare for similar reactions during future encounters with people containing those features. And even if Mike does agree to desensitizing Sake, you should still high-jack Jessica's Jay (if there is a similarity in what may upset her) just to get her used to more people with these features. Giving positive experiences with as many people with this upsetting feature can help Sake understand that these kinds of people aren't bad.
And like what Jessica said, you can't predict what could happen if you 'force' a dog to deal with something they fear. They could just accept it, or it could just exaggerate the fear and cause other negative responses and problems.
Just to clarify I didn't pick her up and make her meet Mike. We were in the yard and she ran to me while they were in the house so I picked her up thinking that is what she wanted. I know Jazz likes to be held in social situations and I thought this is what Sake was looking for. But when Mike walked out the door she freaked out again and started to pee so I put her down. I would never force a situation on either of my dogs because I know the adverse effects it could have.
At first we thought it was a fear of Men, but it just seems to be Mike that she can't warm up to. Everyone else she is fine with after about 20 minutes. Mike is a very "military" person, very rigid and has a deep voice. But other men have visited with deep voices and she doesn't mind them. *sigh*
Is Mike open to working with you. Trying different body language, speaking in a higher voice, etc?
Jessica's ideas in how things work best with Jay are great ideas. Having someone who knows how to help lessen those fear factors is great & her suggestions are spot on.
We are going to talk with Mike and see if we can get him to implement some of the ideas from here. I think if he comes over alone and does the things everyone suggested we could make some progress.
Thank you all so much for the advice and I will keep you up to date!
I'm glad to hear that Mike is willing to help you guys out and work with Sake.
With your friend...it sounds weird, but you migh try having him enter butt first, kneel down w/ treats and allow the dog to investigate on her terms...as she does, have him throw high-value treats....just keep treating, no touching, no talking, no eye contact...just a thought as I've see dog trainers use this method.
Sake has actually been over to the McSheffrey's house with Mike, Fran and the kids playing with her and she had NO problems whatsoever. She just ran around with Miso and sniffed and played. And we have taken her many places with strange, deep voiced, hairy and non hairy men and she seems cautious but not overly scared.
Only when people (especially Mike) come into the house does she display this behavior...