No dogs, PLEASE!
Arg! I need to vent and some of you will understand...
We are having friends over for a cookout today. I have asked them to bring kids, bikes, but please no dogs. That even though I wish I could invite everyone's dogs to come play, that my dogs feel very strongly about strange dogs to our home. One family has a Chesapeake Ret who also has dog-dog issues, they understand and replied that they will leave Jessie the Chessie at home weeks ago. The other family is pushing me on it, and it is hard to be so firm with old friends. They are arriving in 2 hours and just emailed me to ask if "even a female 12 lb dog is unappreciated by (my) strapping boy dog?"
It hurts that they are pushing me on this, and I KNOW that they can't possibly understand what having a dog-aggressive dog is like, so I am trying not to take this personally. I am resentful that they say it this way- as if I am thinking my dog is "strapping" and tough- he's NOT tough, he's a marshmallow stress ball dog that will explode if a strange dog is on our yard.
I can't afford the chemical load this would put on Sage's brain. It pisses me off that my friends don't get it, and that I have to be "rude" "firm" whatever to them, but I owe this to Sage. I hate this, but I owe it him to go to bat for him against friends and not allow him to fail.
In the past I would be afraid to be thought rude and say well, okaaay: he might not mind a small female, lets try it, but now I am wiser and the answer HAS to be NO. It is not worth it for me to go into management mode and try to finesse an introduction. It's not impossible that it could be fine, but its pretty close to impossible on my dogs' own turf.
I am so mad I can't even type correctly! but I have to stand by my dog and my deal with him that I won't expose him unnecessarily. He has been so very good lately with the little things I ask of him. Exercising my loyalty and protection of my dog, he earned this, I owe him this, and it is not easy for people with "good dogs" to understand. rrr!
*raging fury suspended. thank you, forum brothers and sisters!*
We are having friends over for a cookout today. I have asked them to bring kids, bikes, but please no dogs. That even though I wish I could invite everyone's dogs to come play, that my dogs feel very strongly about strange dogs to our home. One family has a Chesapeake Ret who also has dog-dog issues, they understand and replied that they will leave Jessie the Chessie at home weeks ago. The other family is pushing me on it, and it is hard to be so firm with old friends. They are arriving in 2 hours and just emailed me to ask if "even a female 12 lb dog is unappreciated by (my) strapping boy dog?"
It hurts that they are pushing me on this, and I KNOW that they can't possibly understand what having a dog-aggressive dog is like, so I am trying not to take this personally. I am resentful that they say it this way- as if I am thinking my dog is "strapping" and tough- he's NOT tough, he's a marshmallow stress ball dog that will explode if a strange dog is on our yard.
I can't afford the chemical load this would put on Sage's brain. It pisses me off that my friends don't get it, and that I have to be "rude" "firm" whatever to them, but I owe this to Sage. I hate this, but I owe it him to go to bat for him against friends and not allow him to fail.
In the past I would be afraid to be thought rude and say well, okaaay: he might not mind a small female, lets try it, but now I am wiser and the answer HAS to be NO. It is not worth it for me to go into management mode and try to finesse an introduction. It's not impossible that it could be fine, but its pretty close to impossible on my dogs' own turf.
I am so mad I can't even type correctly! but I have to stand by my dog and my deal with him that I won't expose him unnecessarily. He has been so very good lately with the little things I ask of him. Exercising my loyalty and protection of my dog, he earned this, I owe him this, and it is not easy for people with "good dogs" to understand. rrr!
*raging fury suspended. thank you, forum brothers and sisters!*
Comments
Oh, and if they show up with the dog, send them the heck home. You don't have to live with them, and you don't have to pay their medical bills, so who cares if they're pissed at you for a couple of days? Sage is your priority because you DO live with him and you DO pay for training and medical bills.
If they show up without the dog, mentally forgive them for asking and enjoy yourself =0)
Have a great BBQ!!!! (So jealous... it's been stormy around here lately.)
Since then, I have stressed why uninvited dogs are not welcome at my house. My phrase is, "If you value your dog's life and wish to be invited to my home again, you'll not bring your dog." Something about that phrase seems to work.
Maybe it would be easier if I did say something more direct/graphic, if not quite true. I hedge and try to say something accurate that won't make Sage sound like a monster, or that he;s ever actually hurt a dog. You know how you wish people saw the dogs the way we do. But you're right - I can't go into the long story...and that I DO need to forgive them because you;re right, they have NO idea and I can;t expect them to. Not without the long explanation that I won;t be giving them, either. So short and impactful it must be I guess.
I will need to go to the LJ School of Communication for proper mentoring however!
It's my job to protect my dog - she's not to blame for the way she is. I want to make sure that it doesn't escalate and in doing so, I have to get pretty explicit. I'm sure there are people that think I'm over-anxious. When the alternative is, "my dog bit yours because you didn't control your dog - so mine has to be put down" - I'll do all I can to keep that from being a possibility.
We had a foster that was dangerously dog aggressive, we really had to limit what we did and who we did it with, a lot of people didn't understand but I value the company of those who did, and still do when we bring in fosters with special issues.
I was reminded though about how I manage his self control and teach him. The wild boy was undirected and overstimulated, and I was thinking if he was my dog or my daughter, I'd have calmed him or removed him if he was that out of his thinking brain. But just as we can let our dogs go on too long before instructing, I realized we let our kids go too far and then reel them in when they are beyond self control and everyone gets frustrated and upset. Its the same thing.
I did apologize, and said I was sorry I could not also invite the new 12lber dog (a brussels griffon) and thanks for understanding. I think I recovered some grace and said I looked forward to coming to their house to meet the new dog there.
Thanks for bearing with me thru it. I knew my forum friends would understand!
Yeah, really with dogs one sometimes has to seem or be "rude" and "firm" about things. It's a serious matter!
Your friends need to respect you, your dogs, your house and your wishes.
Wow, Sage with listening and behaving around the 6 month old baby, what a good boy!
He got lots of attention and to BE with us. That's what he loves most. and belly rubs.
*whisper whisper*
Ah, right. He says a hot dog is nice too, now and then.
People are used to easy going sporting breeds and companion breeds and not thinking about it. Taking any thought of the dog's point of view is all too rare, I realize.
But Sage(brush) and I need to work in tandem, on Dog time and things go much more smoothly. YOU-all understand.
Today my daughter, Raye, had a friend (Sarah) over to play. The girls are 10 yo. Sarah's mom stayed and chatted with me for a while- they are new friends and we didn't know each other. We talked a LOT about dogs. Among other dog stories, I explained about Sage's dog-reactivity- he was a sweet pea with our guests as always, and its kindof hard to imagine freakout Sage when he's all peaches and cream and lying contentedly at a visitors feet. Sarah's mom left for a couple hours and came back at 3 to pick up her daughter. On return, she had her 5 month old boxer puppy in the car, and...
she parked waaay down the end of the driveway and
she left the dog in the car while she came in to get Sarah and
she invited us out to meet Lola (the boxer) there, in the car with the tailgate open..
we enjoyed meeting Lola far from the house and not in the yard and for just a few minutes (a few minutes of boxer puppy is quite a lot- lots of energy!)
I thanked her for respecting my dogs. She said she of course she understood. I enjoyed meeting Lola, who is a gorgeous chestnut color with white socks. I suppose it woudl have been even better for her not to bring the dog at all, but the girls are both dog-crazy and wanted to show each other their pups and in this way- thanks to Sarah's mother's respect and smarts, everyone got what they needed out of the experience. and ONLY what they needed. Rei and Sage were not impacted. Three cheers!
So glad you had it all come together nicely the way you needed it to be for your situation.
Snf