The Pet Diary
DOG DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
m e going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and
how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs!
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
m e going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and
how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs!
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now...
Comments
HAHAHAHA This made me laugh out loud at work :-)
Holy crap Chad! I've never owned a cat, but I'll be damned if that doesn't summarize the difference between a cat and a dog with unparalleled nuance!
Nice one.
Definitely funny, but my cats aren't like that at all! My old landlord was working on the house and left the door open for hours. Jewel was out there for God knows how long. I went to the back yard and she was in the next yard over waiting for me! The second time she got out, Mika chased her out. She came back 5 minutes later...she really loves her mommy.
Did I tell you about my trip to India? Jewel usually sleeps on Kurt. But when I went to India, Jewel wouldn't go NEAR Kurt. He'd try to pet her and she would dashed off. She even boycotted drinking out of the faucet (as if it's our privilege to turn the faucet on for her), which is her favorite thing. She wasn't eating so much either. Poor thing, she might actually die without me.
Two weeks later, I returned home and Kurt was Jewel's pillow once again.
Oh, Brittney. She's also a people person, but not as loyal as Jewel. I went to India 2 year after Kurt and I met. My trip was a godsend for Brittney and Kurt's relationship, she actually approached him, snuggled with him, allowed Kurt to pet her. They were best friends...til Mommy came home.
Kurt also thinks that I'm the reason the dogs have separation anxiety. I dunno, I just love them all to pieces.